Of SHAMS and TRAVESTIES

The Mountain Shinjiro Nakama stalks through the halls of Keizai Recreational Park, his face a mask of stone, his feet slamming to the ground with an intensity that it scatters the office workers to the far winds. A bright red mark is on his cheek, and his body glistens from the sweat garnered from the bright light so the arena in the center of the building, and his dark eyes hold a gaze of murderous intent.

“THIS IS A TRAVESTY!”

Arnold Cunningham, wearing an olive green suit and a bow tie so outlandish that even Miss J Alexander give props, is waving his COMPLETELY NOT LOADED tennis racket in one hand and pulling some poor random wrestling journalist with him by the scruff of his neck. They are able to have their “conversation” with ease even while moving because of being in the safe embrace of the Mountain’s wake.

“That FARCE of a tag team match out there tonight means NOTHING! Do you hear me?! NOTHING!”

Yes, Arnold, everyone can hear you.

“You saw what happened out there! Those three PIPSQUEAKS did their little dance of WHO CARES?! while the Mountain stood on the apron and laughed. LAUGHED, I say! And then! That VILLAINOUS and EVIL...not to mention RIDICULOUS...METAL HERO viciously ASSAULTED the Mountain...FROM BEHIND...in the most HEINOUS sneak attack since PEARL HARBOR!”

Jeez, Arnold. Read the room, man.

“But NONE of that matters, whatever your name is! Because today? Today is September 27th. And you know what that means? It means that Matt Pulver is RUNNING out of TIME! He has FIVE DAYS! Five days to look in the mirror. FIVE DAYS to enjoy his face. FIVE DAYS to see what his face looks like before it is BROKEN by the UNSTOPPABLE FORCE behind the knee of my client, the FACE of Xpress Fighting Systems and the NEW REALITY of puroresu, The Mountain Shinjiro. And then? Twelve days later? He dethrones the FAKE CHAMPION that is ZENKI and gives Max Pro and ALL of Japan a champion they can LOVE and RESPECT. A champion they can be PROUD of!”

Cunningham finally allows the poor and confused reporter go as he and Nakama push their way to the dressing rooms.