Post by xpressfighting on Nov 1, 2018 19:23:33 GMT -5
***THE FOLLOWING IS AN XPRESS FIGHTING SYSTEMS PROMOTIONAL VIDEO***
Arnold Cunningham, this time sporting a suit the color of strained peaches from a tailor just outside of Albuquerque in the States, waves his absolutely NOT loaded racket (don’t bother checking for yourself! Just take my word for it!) at the scene before him. Many reporters stand at the ready, cameras and tablets at the ready, prepared to record and report the unfolding scene.
“Why, there has not been beef so beautiful and fulfilling since Kobe was invented in Hyogo in 1944! Yes sir, these are two PRIME hunks of Tajima, let me tell you!”
The two “prime hunks of Tajima” are the hulking forms of “The Mountain” Shinjiro Nakama and “The Hillbilly Jesus” Frank Dylan James stand in their wrestling gear in front of a large farm animal scale, with Nakama wearing his #ShinjiroIsSwole Mountain Bros t-shirt and FDJ in his overalls. Wonder if he has anything on underneath them? Anyway, if the scale had been sentient, it would no doubt offer a litany of reservations over what was about to occur.
“And these two SLABS of DESTRUCTION are going to show the WORLD why THEY are going to become the NEW MAX Japan World Tag Team Champions in Osaka in eight days! It SHOULD already be a forgone conclusion, of course! The current champions are not much more than a set of conjoined twins where one made it out okay and the other died along the way! Because no matter how GREAT Tokyo Zombie is, he will ALWAYS have to DRAG that numbskull GRIM behind him. And while they have been LUCKY enough to get by the Dipshit Alliance of Irvine and Seville, and then the Disappointment Twins of Musket and Vegas, all of that DRAGGING Tokyo has done will caught up to him when he faces off against two TRUE and LEGITIMATE heavyweights! Show ‘em, boys!”
With their cue, the team of Nakama and FDJ step onto the scale meant for cattle amidst the flashes of cameras saving the action for posterity. The scale lets out a resentful groan as the two big men settle, Nakama with his arms folded across his chest and his face a mask of samurai stoicism, his newfound partner putting his hands on his hips and giving up the smile that makes all the girls in West Virginia swoon.
“Look at that! Just LOOK AT IT!”
The numbers on the scale settle.
563.
“My God! MY GOD! Look at that BEAUTIFUL number! Five HUNDRED and SIXTY THREE pounds, ladies and gentlemen! Over a QUARTER TON of unstoppable, unescable, UNDENIABLE power and mayhem that is going to come DOWN on top of the Demon Brigade in just over a week! At a combined height of THIRTEEN FEET, these two MONSTROUS mountains TOWER over the pipsqueak duo that NO ONE in the tag team ranks takes seriously! I mean, what are they combined? Seven feet and three hundred pounds in clothes soaking wet from their sweat and tears? Probably not even that!”
He gestures to the duo.
“THIS is what the Demon Brigade faces in the Three Kingdom’s Tour! THIS is their end! THIS is what happens when you face a REAL team! A team with NO weaknesses! A team with NO reservations! A team with INSTANTANEOUS and COMPLETE chemistry! Why-”
FDJ scratches his beard and, after pulling something interesting from it, shows it to Nakama. The Mountain stays stoic and no-sells it.
“-they even THINK the same! Which is a GREAT thing because, as we PROVED in that tag match during the Tiger Festival, the Mountain Shinjiro is SMARTER than all of the Demon Brigade...COMBINED! In fact, if you took all of the brain cells from Grim and Zenki, smooshed them into a pile, balled it up and tried to form a NORMAL brain, you would only get one that is one HALF of Tokyo’s, and THAT is only one THIRD of Nakama’s! Hell, you add in FDJ’s to the mix and all THREE of the Brigade’s brains are only about one and a half EIGHTHS of theirs!
“So make sure to tune in to Osaka when the LARGEST and SMARTEST team in ALL of Japan bring HONOR back to the tag team division and become the NEW MAX Japan champions! And that is something that EVERYONE can be PROUD of!”