Post by xpressfighting on Apr 10, 2019 23:05:56 GMT -5
***THE FOLLOWING IS AN XPRESS FIGHTING SYSTEMS PROMOTIONAL VIDEO***
“Seven and Zero!”
He slaps the XPRESS tennis racquet against his hand with authority.
“SEVEN! And ZERO! Not a man! Not a woman! Not a CHILD can compete with that! Across the first three months of this year, in this so VERY IMPORTANT introductory time for Max-J in 2019, not a SINGLE person, alive OR dead, can compete with THEEEEE MOUNNNNN-TAAAAAAIN Nakama’s sheer and utter DOMINANCE! More victories than ANYONE...BY FAR! Only TWO defeats by way of our plucky, if questionable, chiwawa that you know as Ishii! Only UTTER DEVASTATION for those who DARE to climb the Mountain!
“And now some PIPSQUEAK of a former Teeny-Tiny Weight Champion stands before us? Ha! HA, I say! 210 pounds, my sweet patootie! Maybe if wearing his granddaddy’s coat, mama’s GIANT girdle strapped around his waist, and THEN rolled up into a towel before being tossed into the East Sea! That’s the ONLY way “Mr. Have FAILED at EVERY Aim and Goal for This Tour” could even get NEAR the Mountain! Can’t even beat James “Crybaby” Edwards! He really IS a disgrace after failing THAT hard!
“And there is the SAME chance of the MOUNTAIN losing THIS match as there is how many singles loses he’s had thus far...ZERO! Because he-”
Cunningham points out fingers with authority.
“-has battled through THREE rounds of tournament HELL in order to become the FIRST Royal Road champion! He-”
Another authoritative finger.
“-has wrestled in FOURTEEN matches and had his hand raised in victory TWELVE times! He-”
You WILL respect this finger’s authoritahhhhh.
“-has been THE fighting champion of the tour! He has been in FOUR championship matches and won THREE of them, something NO ONE ELSE in the company can say! And along the way through this BRUTAL and GRUELING schedule, he has BESTED those who had slim, and some would say FOUL and TAINTED, victories over him in the past, including HUMBLING the likes of Tokyo Zombie. And during that time, has gone the DISTANCE of thirty minutes, a REQUIREMENT for the Royal Road Championship, something that this supposed ‘Tiradores,’ whatever THAT means...something SNEAKY and UNSAVORY, I would bet my mama’s blue ribbon-winning chili...has no CLUE what that feels like! My client, my charge, the man who is like a SON to me, will take Ravena so deep into the Royal Road waters that not even an AIRCRAFT CARRIER will be a big enough boat! He-”
Cunningham starts in surprise as a hand the size of a frying pan lands on his shoulder. But after a moment, he brings his own hands together, placing the racket under his arm, and chuckles as he rubs his hands.
“Tell ‘em, big man!”
The camera pans up...and up and up...past the shining gleam of the Royal Road Championship title resting on the broad shoulder of Nakama. The man stands in silence, his arms folded across his massive chest, his face perpetually stoic, until he finally opens his maw wide:
“F...DJ…”
His voice is as garbled as ever, as if his morning gargling concoction of gravel and broken glass was particularly potent today, and he flips back his oddly bright blonde hair with a slow movement of his head.
“I come for you.”
Arnold Cunningham cackles as the camera lowers itself back to him. He slaps the Xpress Fighting Systems racquet on the big man’s shoulders as he addresses the camera again.
“That’s right! Because if the Championship Committee want a REAL challenger to face the champion, then they need look no FURTHER than the man who brought FDJ to their attention...in the first place! Because before the MOUNTAIN grabbed FDJ by his head of greasy curls and DRAGGED him through the muck and mire of obscurity, the Championship Committee didn’t know Frank James from Rick James! His first taste of gold was because of THIS man...and it is THIS man who will TAKE his NEW gold FROM him! So hold that title tight, because a MOUNTAIN with no injuries means a MOUNTAIN who is MAX CHAMPION!”