The Nuts

Following that flashy throwback intro, the camera opens to a nice little penthouse apartment (high-rise) overlooking the bright lights and the hustle and bustle of the Las Vegas. A perfectly clear night, one man looks out his window, tipping a white cowboy hat back to the camera.

The man is very CLEARLY in shape - not roided out, but a very stout frame. Over that frame? A wide opened white fur coat.

“Oh, hello. I didn't see you there!” says the man with a perfectly smarmy American accent despite his very obvious Asian appearance. Then switches it up. “Kon'nichiwa, tsukareta ryokō-sha. Watashinonamaeha “Outlaw" Jun vu~egasudesu. Anata no shiriai o yorokoba seru koto ga dekimasu.”

He takes a bow.

“Oh, that's right. I am a man of many talents and languages… six to be exact! But you didn't come here for that, MAX-J fans. You're here to find out about the riddle wrapped in an enigma covered in scars and comfortably clothed in this LOVELY coat. Well, allow myself to introduce… myself. The name is Jun Vegas. I go by The Outlaw, I go by the Flashiest Money Making Man. I go by “OH, JUN, HARDER HARDER!” depending who you ask.”

Gesturing back to his bed are two BARELY covered blondes wrapped in only a sheet, still sleeping. The camera goes back to Jun, still proud of his… handiwork.

“But as I said… you've come to find out about myself, not my extracurriculars. I was actually born RIGHT HERE in Las Vegas! Moved to Japan at an early age. There, I got my early start in an organization called KYOTO PRO. I caught many, many beatings in my time there to be prepared for the sport. I got taken to the woodshed by regular gaijin competitor Vic Gravender… that man knows how to HIT. Had my jaw CRACKED from a right hand.”

Jun winces uncomfortably, reminiscing that early time in his career.

“But I persevered. And as you can see here…”

He turns his back and partially removes his coat, revealing a wealth of scars, suggesting this is far from his first rodeo.

“I've done this a while and each scar toughened me up for the next fight, and the next, and the next. I moved back to America seven years ago, but I've made my share of funds doing this anywhere that will have me… barbed wire. Light tubes. Boards. Concrete. Just plain fists. I've been through it all and I still have PLENTY more to give to the sport for years to come.”

He puts his coat back up.

“Why now? Why MAX-JAPAN? Fair question and my answer is this… Why NOT? Competition! Fights! Glory! MAX-J has it all and to that, I say… I’m All In! Don't worry, I'll get through ALL the bad Las Vegas puns eventually.”

He raises an eyebrow.

“Now regrettably, I was not able to sign on time for the J1 SUMMIT, but I am on the tour. I will use this opportunity to show ALL of my future opponents what they're in store for! I will happily march into the ring, take a gamble on a masked anti-hero and a jive-talking robot MAX JAPAN Jr. Heavy Champ as my partners and I will throw bones with them all!

“Lion's Road legend James Edwards will KNOW first-hand that his Blazing Heart cannot defeat my superior CLUBS!”

He balls up his fists which are apparently called Clubs.

“Lion’s Road blasphemer Jacob Hammerstein brings the WALLs Pseudo-MAGA nonsense overseas, but I will CUT that noise right out!”

“Shinjiro, I fear no Mountain and you don't have to worry about making me less pretty… I'll get down and dirty and DEAL you pain if that's what it takes to beat you.”

“And Mike Musket… Goddamn, I love that guy and it's gonna be an honor to duke it out and trade Lariats with a MAX-JAPAN legend!”

He grins.

“MAX-JAPAN has it all for a man like me looking for a new fight. And wait I got one more pun. It's a good one, I promise.”

He grins.

“MAX-JAPAN, you can send your best, but in the end, I'll be the one holding The Nuts!”

A sly wink. He then notices the blondes waking up, looking ready for Non-PG activities and grins.

“Speaking of... “

Fade to black.

Giggling.

Bad porn-esque outro music.